Dangerous Wonder

So this has been an interesting week for me while Kyle has been gone. This is the first time that Kyle has traveled away on business since Dean has been born. I can definitely tell that Dean is missing his daddy and the role that daddy fills in the home. Daddy is much better at playing with Dean and having good quality time with him. I am often far too task-oriented and even when spending time with Dean am often trying to multitask or achieve some sort of objective. This week without Kyle here has been very productive for me and I've been able to accomplish a lot, but as the days have gone on Dean has become moodier and moodier. He's been highly emotional, very clingy, and obstinate. I kept trying to figure out what was going on as this hasn't been his usual demeanor nor do I want it to become the usual. I've been praying about it and trying to maintain my patience as Dean and I learn together. Tonight the Lord revealed what may be at the root of all this. In my effort to be productive and get stuff done around the house, I have neglected to spend the quality time that Dean needs and that his daddy usually spends with him. I'm there while he's playing. I take him to the pool and on walks. But it's not the same as direct interaction. One of the areas in which Dean has been acting out has been in eating. He has eaten very little since Kyle left and seems to be emotionally distraught anytime food is offered. I was at my whit's end to figure out how to make him eat. Tonight as I was beginning to discern the real problem, I decided to order pizza (don't have to cook) and we'd have a "picnic" in the living room to avoid the inevitable fight with just getting in the high chair. Dean at first didn't want to eat, but after a while of watching me eat wandered over and began to nibble off my pizza. Pretty soon he was inhaling it! He ended up eating a good amount of food and though it wasn't a perfectly balanced meal at least it was something.

I have known for a long time that I am wired to be task-oriented, but that is no excuse for neglecting the relationships in my life that are most important. Jesus had the same soft reprimand for Martha in the Bible. She was so busy with her "to-do" list and gaining her self-worth from that that she missed the relationship that was most important and better to define her. It's not easy to change a mind-set, but I shall set about working on it. The "chores" of life, though important, don't all have to be done before I can or need to spend time with those closest to me. I imagine myself spending hours "perfecting" my home, while neglecting my family. Only to find that when I am done with my list there is no one there to share in my joy, because I cut them out a long time ago. It's a sobering reminder that life is best shared with others even when it's not quite ready, clean, or perfect.